The Men Who Love Her
By Beccabo

Chapter 1

Chapter One - Mac 

Mac Scorpio sat quietly in the hospital room staring at her figure lying on the bed. She had been here for days now and everyone had been hoping and praying for some movement. Some sign that the body there had a soul still attached to it. As he sat in the chair previously occupied by Anna, he took Robin’s hand in his and looked at her for the millionth time. Tears welling in his eyes, he couldn’t handle the sight. He closed his eyes against the sight of her on a heart monitor, IV drip, and an oxygen-mask.

"Hey honey," he softly spoke, finally opening his eyes and lifting her small hand to his lips and kissing it softly. Her hand felt cold, even though Mac knew there was blood pumping through it, keeping it warm. Without even realizing it, he started rubbing her small hand between his two larger ones, in a fruitless attempt to give it some heat. Then he leaned forward and started playing with the edge of her blanket...tucking it around her so that she would be warm. As he did when she was a little girl and he would tuck her into her bed at night.

"Stupid question, but how are you feeling?" he asked with a short humorless laugh, before it quickly turned into a frown. He ran a shaky hand through her hair, a sniffle escaping his lips. Quietly, he said, "You don’t know how much this hurts, Robin, coming here day after day, waiting, watching… hoping that this will be the day that you wake up. The day that your eyes flutter open and again look into mine with such love and joy, your skin grows less pale, and your hand finally responds to my constant grip."

Watching her serene face once more for a sign of recognition and receiving none, he continued to talk to the darkness. "I visit you every night, baby. I come into your room while you sleep, hold your hand, and weep like a child." Mac laughed a heartless little laugh. "You would be so ashamed of me. I know what you’d say, too. You’d tell me to go home, get some sleep, that you were feeling fine and not to worry about you. And I, of course, would know that you were lying. So thank you for not waking up during those times. I couldn’t bear it if you saw me like that, broken and hopeless. You always have been stronger than I am, Robin. You don’t have to prove it like this."

He hadn't eaten in over twenty hours and hadn't slept since God knows when. Robin should have been yelling at him to take care of himself, but instead she was unconscious, her alabaster skin the color of talcum powder. Fear crept into his heart, as Mac desperately turned his attention to the monitors around her, checking that the constant beep was still evading the silence of the still room, and that the green line was still bopping up and down to the relentless rhythm.

"Just keep talking to her. Wherever she is, I know she can hear you." Liz’s words ran over and over through his head. The young nurse was being so strong, trying to comfort him when her own son was fighting the same losing battle as Robin. But Liz truly believed that Cameron could hear her, and Mac had to believe that the same was true for Robin. So, he kept talking.

Looking around the dark hospital room, dimly lit by only the moonlight coming through her window, Mac took a deep breath and started to talk. "Your room is one of the lucky ones to have windows out onto the outside world. Tonight the moon is casting a peaceful glow over the city, the sun having gone down hours ago. And yet I'm still here. I’m not the only one, though. You should see that waiting area." Mac let out another little laugh, this one not quite so heartless. "Maxie, Georgie, Felicia, Jesse, Jax, Nikolaus. I even had to run Sonny and Jason out of here the other day. All of those people that love you so much are just waiting for some good news. None of them have slept in days either and I think Alan just wants them to go home. It’s been madness here since the virus broke out. Alan is working harder than he’s had to in years, calling in doctors from neighboring hospitals to help out. Liz is pulling double shifts even though Cameron is in a room down the hall. She says it’s easier for her to be working for a cure, where her mind isn’t always roaming to the worst possible...." Mac let his voice drift off for a moment. He knew now why Robin and Liz were such good friends. They had the same inner strength that only women in the medical field possess.

Shaking his head, Mac continued, "Your mom’s here. She flew in on the red eye straight from London. She’s annoying the hell out of the doctors...Patrick Drake especially. He’s working his ass off to finish the research for a cure you started and he looks like the walking dead. I don’t think he and Noah have slept at all either. I mean, I know the three of you were working hard before, but when you got sick...Patrick became like a man possessed. But he’s still not working fast enough for your mother." Mac chuckled as he thought of Anna’s last confrontation with the young Dr. Drake and how it must have taken all the power he possessed not to have her thrown out of the hospital. He made it very clear that he wasn’t there to hold their hands, he just wanted to find a cure and the last thing he needed was an overemotional mother in his face. Patrick Drake had an arrogance and superiority complex that Mac had come to expect from the young and gifted in the medical profession, but as long as he was working on a cure...well, Mac didn’t care how rude the young man was. Anna, on the other hand, had to take her fear out on someone and poor Patrick quickly became her target.

Running his hand through his hair, Mac shook all thoughts of the waiting area out of his head and kept on talking. "Just like everyone else, I haven't slept in...I can't even remember how long...but I know I won't until you wake up. Funny, isn't it? You'll wake up, and then I'll sleep. I can't sleep at the same time, like normal people, because this isn't a normal situation. I need to know that you’re alright...awake...alive, before I can tend to my own needs."

Mac shook his head at that...how could she possibly wake up and be alright? He looked at his niece lying in the ICU attached to a maze of wires and tubes, surrounded by monitors and drips, it was difficult to believe she would ever be okay again. "I know you hate all this. The mask that covers your features, the machine that breathes for you. You never like relying on something else. Or someone else. You were always the strong one, the one who could keep going, the one who went too far. And now...I listen to you breathing, each suck-hiss of the respirator assuring me that you still live." He draws in a ragged breath and says, "You’re going be the death of me, young one, if you keep this up. I don’t know how much more any of us can take."

He looked again at Robin lying there on the warm sterilized bed and Mac couldn't help but wonder if this has been all his fault. He might as well tell her. "It’s my fault you’re lying here. No, Robin, don’t try to argue, you know it is. I should have known when this outbreak started that you shouldn’t be anywhere near it. The long hours in the lab with the Drake men, the frantic schedule, the close proximity of your immune system to this unknown virus. But, I thought you could handle it. You assured me that you could handle it." Mac shook his head and whispered, "How wrong we both were. I know you don't like me thinking those thoughts and that's why I can only voice them when you are asleep."

Mac lost himself in his thoughts for awhile longer and then shook them away, as Robin would want him to do. "I have to stop thinking this way." he said. "Every time I do, the tears threaten to cascade down my cheeks, and I can not let anyone see me cry. My God, I don't even know who I'm hiding my tears from anymore. All I know is that those tears which are still left inside me will stay there and I will reserve them to shed in joy and relief when you wake up. This is the way I live my life. I have to remain strong, because that’s what everyone expects. Even when my heart is broken."

As Anna crept quietly back into the room, Mac knew it was time to leave them alone. Leaning forward to kiss her forehead, Mac whispered, "Save your strength and dream sweet dreams that will keep you safe, baby girl. I love you with all my heart, body, and soul. I'm always right here waiting."

to be continued...

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