SCENE 1

(JOSH is getting ready to leave the office for the day)

JOSH: I'm outta here.
DONNA: You've gotta see Sam.

(He turns back and heads for SAM'S office, DONNA following after him)

JOSH: I'm seeing Sam and them I'm outta here.
DONNA: Are you going to behave yourself tonight?
JOSH: It's a bachelor party.
DONNA: I'm saying--
JOSH: I can hold my liquor.
DONNA: No you can't.
JOSH: I can drink with the best of them!
DONNA: You can't drink with any of them, Josh.
JOSH: I'm in politics, okay. I can drink.
DONNA: You have a very sensitive system.
JOSH: I wish you'd stop telling people that. It makes me sound like an idiot.
DONNA: You're gonna have two drinks and spend the rest of the weekend sleeping it off.
JOSH: And this is the first time in a long time I've had the opportunity to spend the weekend doing anything but working, is my point.
DONNA: Are there going to be strippers?
JOSH: Nah.
DONNA: Really?
JOSH: Yeah.
DONNA: Tell me the truth.
JOSH: There aren't going to be strippers there. Men don't like that anymore.
DONNA: Men don't like naked women anymore?
JOSH: No, we still like naked women a lot. It's looking at them in a room full of your best friends that makes you feel a little...
DONNA: Sleazy?
JOSH: ...Uncomfortable. (sees Sam) Sam.

SAM: Hi.
JOSH: I'm outta here. What d'you need?
SAM (calling to the office in general as he and JOSH start walking):  What do I need?
BONNIE: O'Dwyer.
SAM: Yes. I need you to do me a favor.
JOSH: On O'Dwyer?
SAM: His people are calling. They wanna know what's going on.
JOSH: Who's his people?
SAM: A campaign manager. Guy named Joey Lucas.
JOSH: Never heard of him.
SAM: Me neither.
JOSH: What's he like?
SAM: I didn't speak with him. I spoke with his assistant.
JOSH: What's the favor?
SAM: I scheduled a meeting for tomorrow with him to try to figure out what's going on.
JOSH: Aren't you going sailing tomorrow?
SAM: Yeah.
JOSH: Then how're you gonna--Aww, come on!
SAM: Ten minutes.

(they arrive at SAM'S office)

JOSH: On a Saturday!
SAM: Well, do you have plans?
JOSH: I was planning on doing nothing.
SAM: Ten minutes, fifteen minutes tops.
JOSH: Sam--
SAM: He's going to be very excited to meet with you. Joshua Lyman, Deputy Chief of Staff. He can hear it from the horse's mouth.
JOSH: What am I supposed to tell him?
SAM: On O'Dwyer?
JOSH: Yeah.

(DONNA walks up)

SAM: Tell him the truth.
JOSH: I don't think so. What else ya got?
DONNA: What time?
SAM: Ten tomorrow morning.
DONNA (to JOSH): You have to be here at ten tomorrow morning.
JOSH: *We* have to be here at ten tomorrow morning.
DONNA: Why me?
JOSH: 'Cause you work for me.
DONNA:  I have things to do tomorrow morning, Josh. It was my Saturday too.
JOSH: What things?
DONNA: Have to go shopping.
JOSH: For what?
DONNA: Whatever! It's Saturday.
JOSH: Ten minutes. When it's over I'll buy you some shoes.
DONNA (smiling): Really? (she leaves)
JOSH: I'm outta here.
SAM: I'm bringing back the Cup, man.
JOSH: Sam, just stay in the boat this time and I'm a happy guy.
SAM: Okay.
JOSH: Good luck. (he leaves)
SAM: (calls out to JOSH) I've got foul weather gear.
JOSH: See ya later.

SCENE 2

(DONNA arrives at JOSH'S office Saturday morning to find him slumped over it, snoring softly, with a pair of lacy red panties around his neck)

DONNA: Josh. Josh!
JOSH (waking up): Hmmm.
DONNA: What're you doing?
JOSH: What?
DONNA: Did you spend the night here?
JOSH: No. Just since a couple of hours ago.
DONNA: The party went to morning?
JOSH: Yup.
DONNA: Why didn't you go home?
JOSH: What?
DONNA: Why didn't you go home after the party?
JOSH: I couldn't find my keys, or remember where I lived. (he pulls the panties off of his neck)
DONNA: Josh.
JOSH: I think there might have been strippers there. 
DONNA (shouting): Oh my God! (She ignores JOSH who painfully shushes her) What happened to your clothes?
JOSH: I may have wrinkled my suit.
DONNA: Josh!
JOSH: Donna. You...You really wanna speak very softly.
DONNA: How did you get like this?
JOSH: People were pouring champagne over each other.
DONNA: And then wrestling in dirt?
JOSH: I can't remember, but it's certainly not out of the question.
DONNA: You have a meeting.
JOSH: Yeah, I know. I'm not, you know. Uh...what was the meeting again?
DONNA: Joey Lucas about O'Dwyer.
JOSH (putting on his jacket): Yes. 
DONNA: Josh.
JOSH: I'm fine.
DONNA (holding her nose): You can't wear those clothes. 
JOSH: I'm fine.
DONNA: Trust me.
JOSH: They're the only clothes I got.
DONNA: I'll find some other clothes.
JOSH: Fine. (sits down again at his desk)
DONNA: Are you going to listen to me from now on? (she starts to leave)
JOSH (under his breath): I'm not even listening to you now.
DONNA (shouting): I said, are you going to listen--
JOSH: Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

(DONNA leaves and JOSH slumps over on his desk)

SCENE 3

(DONNA walks into JOSH'S office with bright yellow hip-waders in one hand and a cup in the other.)

DONNA: Josh.
JOSH: Huh.
DONNA: Here. 

(DONNA sets the gear on the desk while JOSH looks at it in puzzlement)

JOSH: What's that?
DONNA: It's Sam's foul weather gear. Drink this. 

(She sets a cup on his desk)

JOSH: Coffee?
DONNA: It's strong. Drink it all. 

(DONNA leaves as JOSH drinks, gags, and lets it run out of his mouth down the front of his shirt.)

JOSH: Blah.
DONNA (walks back in):  It's from yesterday, so it might not be hot anymore.
JOSH: What time is this person coming?
DONNA: Forty minutes. Put this on. 
JOSH: I'm not wearing that.
DONNA: There's a one hour cleaners on Connecticut.
JOSH: He's getting here in forty minutes.
DONNA: Zuzu will do it in half an hour.
JOSH: Who's Zuzu?
DONNA: The guy from the dry cleaners, Josh. Change your clothes!
JOSH: His name is Zuzu?
DONNA: Change your clothes.
JOSH: I'll look like the Gordon's fisherman in this thing. 

(JOSH reluctantly starts to change)

Scene 4

(JOSH has been meeting with Joey Lucas, when DONNA comes to the office door, holding JOSH'S suit.)

DONNA: 'Scuse me.
JOSH: Thank God.
DONNA: What's going on?
JOSH (to JOEY): This is my assistant, Donna Moss. Donna, Joey Lucas.
DONNA:  Hi.
JOSH: I'm just going to go... I... I... I'm... I'm gonna go change my clothes. I'll... I'll be right *back*. 

(JOSH and DONNA leave)

JOSH: Took ya long enough.
DONNA: I got stuck at Dupont Circle again.
JOSH: You have any idea how dumb I looked in there?
DONNA: So Joey Lucas is a woman.
JOSH: Yes.
DONNA: And she's deaf.
JOSH: Yes.
DONNA: Cool.
JOSH: Gimme those. 

(JOSH takes the clothes and enters an office to change)

DONNA: You need to go see Sam.
JOSH: What's Sam doing here?
DONNA: He told me to tell you the appeal was denied.
JOSH: What're you talking about?
DONNA: All he said was "The appeal was denied."
JOSH: <nickel drops> Oh man. Make sure they're going to be okay in there. This might take a few minutes.

Close window to return home